TV Shows I Love To Hate & Why I Have a Duct Taped Face

Aaaaaaaaah my very own blog! A place where I can let the tape come off and watch the dog-shit fly around the place. I wont pretend that any of this will be worth reading. I never pretended that my twitter stuff @JoeThompson_ was worth following either! (www.twitter.com/joethompson_) I mainly just piss and moan about things on TV – but seeing as the majority of my followers are British I’m pretty sure that’s where everyone feels their most comfortable…

So, with that in mind - here are the TV Shows that I admit I watch / Will be watching:

Desperate Scousewives

A cast of either unlike-able or pointless people. Strangely addictive but I can’t work out why. The title screen looks like a bunch of fidgety Jail-baits about to get raped.

The Only Way Is Essex

(or The Quickly Diminishing Cast of Plastic Faced Losers’ club)

This show is fucked now that Mark Wright has left. Enough Said.

Take Me Out

About 28 skanks & 2 fitties narcissistically choosing who is worthy of leaving their light on for & then getting binned off anyway)

The Apprentice

the same EXACT program every single year where contestants pretend to be respectable businessmen/women & make the same mistakes as their predecessors displaying no prior-knowledge of the show.

I’m A Celebrity: Get Me Out Of Here

A hilarious insight into the extent of what Z-listers (and one token former A-Lister) will do to be back on television. Shamefully I actually enjoyed last years show far more than I should have..

Jersey Shore

The biggest scums of the universe, with amazing accents & an even more impressive take on what is important in life. It’s like Geordie Shore on glue with a van full of steroids.

Geordie Shore

The kid brother of Jersey Shore where the housemates are slightly more likeable but the small girl continually talking about how she’s being rammed with a cock the size of a parsnip will make you feel a bit sick. She’s about 2 stone heavy and it usually makes her walk funny for the next day or two.

The X Factor

A televised social experiment that puts genuine talent under pressure by forcing them to attempt genres of music they’d never have to encounter in their real life e.g. Disco Week

Love In The Wild

My tip for some great television. It’ll be like I’m A Celebrity meets Tool Academy …outstanding. Attractive People + Jungle Tasks = 250% Banter & 1% Intelligence to Share Out Between Them…

The Voice

Hailed as being the new X Factor killer. Apparently this show will be focusing on the contestants voices instead of their looks. Watch as a couple of Susan Boyles are put through to prove a point, only to be gunned off when their singing faces make the children in the audience cry in a later round.  Ironically, this show is judged by singers who are largely considered as attractive (like Jessie J that weiner from the Script)

Playing It Straight

A show that deems it ok to not be yourself if you stand to earn a shit load of cash. The gay ones are normally extremely easy to determine following the basic strategy that the producers have put in the gayest seeming straight guys and the straightest seeming gay guys. It’s all in the voice anyway. They should consider a collaboration with the show above…

Big Brother & Celebrity Big Brother

I don’t need to explain how brilliant, trashy, disgusting & amazing this show is. I cant believe it’s been stolen and raped by channel 5. I never thought I’d actually MISS Davina McCall but Brian Dowling is so terrible he makes my fanny sting.

Skins

Contains the continual use of the word ‘spliff’ in the context ‘can I have some spliff’, ‘where’s my spliff’ or ‘someone stole our spliff’ – phrases which nobody uses in real life. The show took a massive nose-dive in the 5^th season but the 1^st episode of the 6^th season was good. I never liked Gracie anyway…

Shows That Can Fuck Off:

Made In Chelsea (!!!)

Strictly Come Dancing

Britain ’s Got Talent

So You Think You Can Dance?

Got To Dance

Dancing On Ice

The Cube

Deal Or No Deal

… the list goes on…

 I have no shame in what fills up my Sky Planner. Considering I spent the majority of my time ripping into these shows I don’t feel like I’m actually associated with them. I’m choosing to ignore the fact that I’m sad enough to watch them – I’m assuming it’s ok as it’s all in the name of comedy (sure…)

My Duct Taped Face

I thought I’d explain why I continually have pictures with Duct Tape across my face.

It’s a mixture of two things –

1) Its in honour of the NOH8 campaign. It’s a worthy cause, and I think everyone has the right to get married to the person if they’re lucky/stupid enough to fall in love. I also think it’s weird that anyone has the right to stop them?  I might be a cunt, but I’m not a homophobe…

2) Sometimes I genuinely need to shut my fucking mouth. No one has the right to make anyone feel like a twat for no good reason.  I’m also aware that I do this on a regular basis… so my picture is my acknowledgement that I’m one of the twats that should shut the fuck up.

The duct tape will play a bigger part later this year when I unveil a master project that I’m currently involved in. The BFD Project will start by being humiliating, laughable, grotesque & shameful but evolve into something fit, enviable, jealous-inducing & brilliant…

The project will include:

Videos, Rihanna, Duct Tape, YouTube, Dancing & Nakedness.

Intrigued?

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