MOVIES: How To Be a CUNT at The Cinema or at Home

RIGHT, I thought I'd write out some rules explaining how to REALLY PISS ME OFF whilst watching a film either at the cinema or in front of the TV.

If you want to kill me, please do any of the following 20 things:

AT HOME:
1) Talk loudly about irrelevant things to someone else in the room whether or not they're trying to watch the film itself
2) Spoil plotlines if you've seen the film/tv series before, then try and cover for it by saying EVEN MORE in order to make it seem like you HADNT just fucked the film/tv show up for everyone
3) Eat dinner whilst a movie is on by turning on the main light and destroying any atmosphere..
4) Explain why this movie isn't as good as another one you have seen then describe the other film completely
5) Fart, loudly, then laugh, then talk about it...
6) Continually walk in and out of the room clearing your dinner plates away even though you usually wouldn't at any other time.
7) Pause the movie often to ask what's happening in it. This especially applies to Bond films. WHO THE FUCK CAN'T FOLLOW A BOND FILM!?
8) Change the channel immediately without hesitation or get in a cuntsweat because you can't watch what you want
9) Sit there massaging your girlfriend, kissing your girlfriend, cuddling your girlfriend or arguing with your girlfriend whilst in close proximity of other people who couldn't give a shit.
10) let your visiting girlfriend choose the movie...

AT THE CINEMA:
1) Buy & eat popcorn in a loud, grazey way (no other way is possible)
2) Laugh louder than your average laugh
3) Buy a hotdog -- I seriously dont understand the appeal of these things, whilst sat in the dark, considering it's over before the first trailer
4) Drink a slurpy drink right until the end through an extremely loud straw..
5) Shout out anything. TRUST ME. even if people laugh, EVERYONE hates you
6) Have a large haircut or hat on and sit anywhere but in the back row
7) Have a very unsubtle fondle with some spade-faced, acne ridden, rank girl who doesn't really want to anyway and giggles like a horse on crack...
8) Comment loudly about anything to do with the film. This is different from No. 5 seeing as No.5 usually happens before the lights have even gone down in the room.
9) Throw items of food. Jokes on you mate, you want to throw popcorn around? do you remember how much it cost to buy? you might as well be throwing fucking gold dust. Fucking prick...
LASTLY..
10) Make any comment about why the book is better, which BITS the film has missed out & why the actors aren't portraying the characters 'as you saw them in the book'.
why? - of course they're going to miss bits out, unless you want the film to be 8 hours long... & the actors MOST LIKELY agree with you if the book was well written, but they've been TOLD to act the character that way by their director. So blame him.. oh and SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!

That is all. thanks for listening x.