TV ADVERTS: Cars, Meerkats & Fruity Jizz

Do you remember when the best adverts on tv used to be car ads? Undoubtedly. They were the most stylish, looked the most pricey to produce & if ever one came on in a cinema before the trailers started it'd give you a semi just looking at it ... even if it was a Mazda... what happened to those? I don't think I've seen a decent car ad for a long time. Possibly the last good one was the sequel advert to that cake one where they pretended to build a Skoda Fabia out of things that Fat people eat when they feel upset. 

The advert that followed on from that was for the Fabia vRS - I enjoyed that one: snakes are immense. But I sort of feel like car adverts have taken a bit of a nose-dive. Perhaps I'm wrong. But surely the appropriate demographic time slots for car adverts should be after work? (you know, aimed at people who can afford a car).  I guess I'll have to just rely on Top Gear - a show I do like a lot, but secretly want them to get over themselves and just continue to do what they do best: instead of seeming so fucking smug all the time. Having said this, they do, quite clearly, have the best job of all time. And as a final note on this: The Stig that revealed himself (Ben Collins) made a bit of a silly move.  No-one actually cares who The Stig is, it's just kind of fun to guess. As soon as you know it's revealed it's like when someone explains how a rainbow is made: ultimately disappointing and.. well... a bit gay.

 Now all I seem to see is market comparison adverts. If I see that FAT SHIT sing "Go Compare" in any sort of mild variation of an advert again I'm going to hunt him down and punch him in his chubby jaw.  I'm feeling the same way with the Compare the Meerkat.com ads (although I always preferred them over the fat Italian.)  YES, they're memorable, YES, they are self-mocking and so don't take themselves too seriously but I feel about them the same way I do about banking with Halifax or shopping at B&Q: Because I hate the adverts so much I flat out refuse to use the product or service they're selling. Consequently I have never been on a price comparison website. So thank you Go Compare & Compare the Market: you've fucked me off so much that I'm refusing to acknowledge your existence.

I saw a new advert for McDonalds the other day that lasted for far longer than it should have and showed some little shits chasing bubbles in the shape of different fruits. This carries on in a semi-artsy way until a bubble pops and you see the kids drinking their Fruitjizz (I think it's Fruitjizz?) juice drinks in a McDonalds right before the end. OH YEH, that'll work. Kids will DEFINITELY opt for the Fruit Juice Drink when they're already stuffing their pie holes with more chicken nuggets and burgers than you can shake a stick at...(never really understood that phrase) FUCK OFF McDonalds. Everyone knows you're the food scum of the earth. If our diets are our life partners then McDonalds is that crack-whore you riddle yourself with in exchange for money.  Yeh sure, it feels good at the time but afterwards you feel cheap & nasty. It's about as pointless as an advert for Heroin trying to convince you that injecting smack "provides adequate Nurse needle training" -- If that advert DID exist, I bet I know which demographic time-slot they would show that on: Somewhere between Jeremy Kyle & Cash In The Attic (day-time-layabout-benefit-cunts).