Made In Chelsea: Killed In Order

The majority of what I'm about to say is based on their looks. But, let's face it - this cast have the emotional depth of a teaspoon...and they were ALL born with golden teaspoons...sticking out of their arses...

1) Terrifying feline faced little bitch. Really dislike her. Thinks she's extremely attractive when in reality she looks like a badly disguised Thundercat or an Avatar with normal skin.

2) A man who embodies all of the reasons why you hate public school dickheads. His face is extremely punchable. Hate the way he talks. He just said "Coinci-mental". FUCK OFF.

3) Rich, average looking slapper who wears too much make up and who makes terrible decisions. One of which is the idea to sleep with a weasel disguised as a human. She's getting hotter though..

4) She doesn't bother me too much. This is a pretty bad picture of her though. Her voice makes my willy tingle a bit. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.

5) Afore-mentioned weasel incognito. He walked up beside me outside my work a month or two ago wearing a union jack waistcoat. Tosser.

6) I think I officially hate this guy. Such a knob. Another person who thinks he's attractive. He's not. Not even a little bit. He's completely average. Cutting his stupid hair was a good idea. Doesn't change the douche face though. He's also a terrible boyfriend and even worse friend. One of these days he's going to get his head kicked in and I wont even apologise...

7) *sigh* ... she's quite man-ish. No, I know, it's a guy. More accurately it's a model. Ridiculous. Who wants to take a photo of a man who has nostrils that point outwards? He's a smarmy cunt too.  I geninely think he's ugly. If he actually WAS a girl, her name would be Gertrude and she would wear glasses & work in a library.

8) Seems normal compared to the others. Dont expect her to smile at you in a club or stop a car if you're in the way on Fulham Road... she's still a dick.

9) In my opinion, the fittest one. She's cool & I like that she's got a bit of meat on her, I think it suits her. She's thick as pig shit though...

10) "What you like cock, aswell? That's a surprise" - No one, ever.

11) In the last episode I saw, this horse faced, ginormous chinned "beauty" clearly had her hair attacked by crayons or skittles & was singing "Haabuulieeevve haabuulieeeve" in a really REALLY annoying mock-Christina Aguilera way that was literally killing me. I hate the quivery voice style of singing. It's rank & just sounds like the person is cold. She puts the 'cunt' in 'annoying'. I know that doesn't make any sense...but that just shows how much of a cunt she is...
12) The 'Carrie Bradshaw' of Made In Chelsea. We all know my opinion on Bradshaw.. I think this one looks like the "cool" mum who's getting involved all the time. I can't believe she's not 37.

*Some cast members have been eliminated because I'm not bothered by them,

 I dont know who they are or I've spoken about them before*

1)  Far too blonde. Says all of the things that no one should ever say to anyone they like. Talks about banks and money too much. Wore his baseball cap backwards on his head. Gimp.

2) I dont understand the appeal of this girl. If someone can inform me as to why she's attractive then I'll be most obliged.
3) She's beautiful. Apparantly a devote Christian. She wasn't that loyal to God when I had her legs in the air the other day...

and FINALLY....

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!?!?!.........

A truly horrendous girl who looks like Victoria Beckham has been cross-bred with a monster from the Alien Series. She apparantly owns "30 pairs of Christian Louboutin heels" - that's good love, but what are you going to do about your face?